October 2008 . . Prude Like Me

October 2008, the first and only time, to date, I ever spend a night in another man's bed.   It was a big deal for a prude like me.  I was defying all the rules, regulations and covenants I'd been taught since birth.  Ew, 52 years worth.  Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!!   I still recall the feeling of liberation, short-lived as it was.

Sent: Monday, October 6, 2008

  

You can choose to believe that that's all there is in it for me, but you would be

wrong. You know my dear that I'm into the whole act just like you are. You should

be able to tell the way I touch you and gaze into your eyes that I'm into it. Besides

you admitted this morning that we truly made love Saturday. I had to take the opportunity

to get you going though. Love to tease you!

 

Hey don't pick at every word I use. Overanalyzing again. Act as in sex act. The process.

Are you calling me a jerkwad?

Fair is fair! I think you and I hold a little piece of us from each other. It's

understandable based on the dynamic of the relationship.
 
I'm not a casual fling kind of guy. Since we are not married, I don't think it's plausible

to let everything go "balls to the wall" . Let's you and I agree at this point to be a little

guarded. Don't get all serious on me here.

I'm bold! I may wake you up after all.

You know even though we have sent hundreds of emails, had sex maybe 20 times, spent

time at the rock, bike path etc., we still have a lot to learn about each other. Our time

has been affected by pressures, time constraints etc.  On the other hand, do you think we

ever really know anyone in a deep sort of way?

I have a method of evaluating people for depth of personality.  I don't pay attention to how they

relate to me.  I watch how they treat other people. When you are choosing a mate, this works

well I think.  Enamored lovers always treat each other well until they get married.  Many women

are shocked by their husband's personality shift after marriage.

Sent: Tuesday, October 7, 2008 

Morning to you dear.  Since you won't call me this morning, I thought I would send
you a longer than normal email.  I want you to understand how I'm put together

emotionally.  First of all men tend to have level feelings about things in life compared

to women.  Don't judge normal men by some unrealistic Hollywood standard.  Just

because I don't do cart wheels, it doesn't mean I'm not enjoying something immensely.

Now let's talk about this past Saturday.  Debbie I am being honest when I say Saturday

was the best Saturday I've had in years.  Loved everything about it.  The sex was the

best we've had.  Quit being such a perfectionist. BTW can a perfectionist tell someone

else to quit being a perfectionist? 

When you go into the SP mode (self protection) you get a little pissy with me.

I could tell you were annoyed last evening. That makes me feel like I've done

something wrong or I have disappointed you.

Tell me about the conversation with Leah going home last night. Also tell me again

what was said by you, Angie and Sherry about me being your boy friend. What about

the newspaper clip? 

BTW don't analyze what I have written down to the micro level looking for some

hidden meaning or code. You know that makes me crazy.

Sent: Wednesday, October 8, 2008

 

I know that they haven't gone very far, but as time passes they will.  You did the right thing.

Sounds like you love Lacey like I love Adam.  I adore my boy. I'll miss him when he leaves home. So she was offended by the mention of getting the pill.  What are you going to think when in a year or so she says "mom, I was thinking maybe I should go on the pill"?

 

Hey wait a minute.  I was not the one that created the acronym MILF.  It's my understanding

that the I in MILF stands for like, not love.  Gesh, give me a break.

I love to f*ck you.  I love it, I love it.  Now I suppose you'll refute what I just said.  You'll

say I just said that to wiggle out of a tough spot.  If you believe this, you'd be dead wrong.

You are a jewel, you know that?

You like to tease me and it's mutual.

Jewel by my definition is a very affectionate, fuzzy feeling about someone.  It's good.

You know every once in a while you make me smile and or laugh.  Sometimes you

exasperate me.
 

The question is do you chose, choose, oh shit I know which it is, do you?  Do you

choose to be multidimential.  (sic)  You'll most likely avoid oldtimers disease.   

Too late my LOVE, you're already demented.

 Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 

O.K. you whipped me into submission. It's the best f*ck I've had for months.  Probably

is in my all time top 5.  Can't recall cumming twice in a coons age.

Sent: Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Debbie I was teasing you about living together instead of marriage based on

your mood and fear of medical issues.  I'm sorry I heaped that on you with

the kind of day you had yesterday.  That was stupid timing. I understand

why you would be frustrated.  Please forgive me.

I'm going to lunch now.  I'll let you know when I get back.

  

Beautiful sunset!  I have to admit it exceeds the one I saw up home.

Did you accept my apology?  I think you did.  It's hard to tell.  I don't

expect you to stifle your feelings, I just feel like you're directing

your anger at me.

 

Debbie, I believe it's possible too.  I know I've been preaching patience, but it's hard

to be patient when you want something in the worst way.

Next Monday Adam will have open gym.  Let's arrange to meet and work through

some of the issues that are troubling you.  I sense that you are pulling away

from me.  You said we would never make a 12 month anniversary.  Makes me

think you've been thinking things that you haven't shared with me. 

(Debbie's Note . . this is good indicator that my gut instinct was picking up some sort of ripple of impending doom.  LOL   4 years later it's easier to chuckle about it.  But at the same time, whoa, I was sensing it was coming down the pike.  Notice how he poo-poos it.

He thinks I haven't been sharing with HIM??!!!  Yes, really IS laughable to reread that.  By this date, he knew darn good and well he was preparing to 'walk' away from me. )  

This is pretty heavy stuff to deal with in the middle of tax returns.  After tomorrow it won't

be nearly as busy.  I believe in honest communication.  We'll get together and do some

of that.  You are right in that I am content with my life.  That doesn't mean that I don't

love you and enjoy being with you.  I may not perceive our relationship with the same

set of eyes, but don't invalidate my feelings and involvement for/with you.

Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 5:42:18 PM

 

O.K. here is my analysis of time spent with you.

  1. Your office 4 times - 5.00

  2. My office - 1.50

  3. The Mall- 1.00

  4. Bike path - 15.00

  5. Lake - 1.50

  6. West St. - 8.00

  7. Ball games - 30.00

  8. Your house, sex included - 40.00

  9. My house sex included - 14.00

10 The Rock  - 15.00

11.Carver in truck - 2.00

12. emails 475. times a factor of 50% -  237.50 

Total hours  = 370.50

Now, since not even married couple spend 24 hours a day together I'm going to prorate

the hours into normal living arrangements for couples.

365 days times 24 hours = 8760 hours in one year.  

People sleep 8 hours a day so that becomes non relationship time.  
They also work 8 hours a day for 261 days, so this is non relationship time.

Let's redo the math. 365. x 8. = 2920.  this is sleep hours

                                   261 x  8.=  2088.  this is work time

**** 8760 less 2920 less 2088. = 3752. available hours for a relationship. 

* Our hours together are based on 11 months. 

So if you annualize (sic) 370.50 that equals 404 hours in one year 
                                          404 hours divided by 3752. available hours = 10.77% 

365 days times 10.77% = 39.31 days or 5 weeks 4 days 7 hours and 26.4 minutes 

So we have spent the equivalent couples' time together of 5 weeks 4 days 7 hours 26.4 minutes together.

See much more than you thought.

There Debbie goes again, RAMPING up those numbers, sensations etc.

If the only meeting that didn't do anything for you was the first, I guess that makes me

99.99% effective.  Wait a minute, didn't the first meeting provide thoughts of what

a good looking guy I was or something like that?  And besides how can that meeting

be shelved as non eventful when I pulled the condom and lube out of my jacket and scared

you to death.

If Adam has open gym Monday and if it is 6:00 to 8:00, I think meeting at your place

would work out. I could stay until about 7:30. 

I'm leaving at 4:30. You're a jewel! One of a kind for sure. Just remember not to

overanalyze stuff.
 

Have a good weekend. I'll talk to you on Monday.

Love you!

Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Since I'm sending you an email, you'll probably call me on your phone.

Wonderful visit with you last night. The sex just seems to get better each

time we're together.  BTW I like the idea of Jay taking you to work on the

31st.  I could park the van in front of your office and you could slide right

in the side door and we could be on our way.  I could return you home

Saturday evening after dark.

How are you today?  Did you and Jay tangle last night?

Let me know when you get in.  I'm sure you will!

  

We don't know what our futures hold, but I promise you I'll never forget these days.

Case in point, the song you sent me was sung in 1978 by Paul Davis.  He died April

22, 2008 of a heart attack at the age of 60.

Debbie we may never be married, but I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart

as I tear up here, our intimacy I'll cherish until the day I die.  As much as I have enjoyed

this intimacy, I have a deeper love and concern for you as a person.  I want you to be happy

and live your life with gusto and confidence.

Hope I'm not too serious here since you seem so up and funny today.
 

I like the term I used this morning to describe you.  Evolution!  Our personalities are

influenced by life events.  I believe that we have a core personality that changes little,

but we are tweaked through life experiences.  You have definitely changed more over

the past year than I have.  I believe that it has been for the better even though from

a moral standpoint it may not seem that way.  If you ever leave Jay he will blame me

in part even though you assure him that it was your awakening that caused it.

Hypothetical - Let's put the physical aside for a moment.  Do you think you could

be happy with Jay if he treated you differently, in ways that appeal to you?

As we get older Debbie the sex will wane and eventually nearly cease, but the mind

must flourish and provide a reason to live, a hope or interest that makes it worth

living.  This is why I believe deep friendship ultimately is the most important thing.

We are profound today, aren't we?

I am looking forward to you spending the night with me and it's not because

of the terrific sex we'll have either.  I want to know and for you to know what

makes us tick.  Should be great fun.
 

Oh I know that lunar pimples are your invention.  It's just the kind of remark

you might hear on a sitcom or SNL.

I'm leaving at 4:30 and BTW you are more full of shit than I am. 

Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 

The sex will be some time after dinner.  Maybe after we look at the stars.  Stay horny

and don't masturbate.  I'm gonna wait too.  As a matter of fact I'm going to try

something we have never done.  You're going to have multiples before I ever

cum for the first time.  I want you to bring your tens unit with you.  We'll get wired too.

I hope you don't mind cumming several times.