Wednesday, October 29, 2014

My Introduction to Open Marriage

It wasn't complicated for me to flirt back, I didn't have to worry about Jay finding out, being angry.  Some time before I contacted Gail, my husband, Jay, and I had had a long talk about our lack of intimacy and it's affect on our marriage.  His E.D. was resistant to the routine prescriptions; they simply didn't help anymore.  I couldn't even remember the last time he had been able to achieve an erection.  Yes, it had been several years. That type of activity was no longer a part of our day-to-day life.  We'd just accepted it.  But one day he made the suggestion that having sex with other men was an option, that I was too young and healthy to not have intercourse.   He said he'd be ok with it.  My reaction?  I cried.  This is not who I am.  I am straight-laced, uptight and fairly prudish.  I was nearing 50 at the time and where in the world I find a willing and trustworthy partner, HOW would I approach the subject with them?   I'm too backward, I can't do that!  So I put it out of my mind.  I let it go.

As time passes, a girl realizes something is definitely missing from her life.  I notice other happy, affectionate couples.  Passion is everywhere, tv, movies, print ads, everywhere.   My grown children have it.  When you can't have something, it's seems like everyone else has it in abundant supply.   I think that's normal.  Then there comes a time when you realize our time is short and if you're going to live to the fullest, there's no better time than the present, the only one holding me back, is me.  My timidity has to go!

So in my world, this unexpected flirtation from an old school chum is a very welcome surprise and I embraced it.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Hello, Old Friend . . . .

Flirt = part of speech: noun, coquette, cruiser, heartbreaker, operator, philanderer, player, seducer, siren, swinger, tease, trifler, vamp, vixen, wanton, wolf.   

What happened to my physical body when I realized I'd been genuinely flirted with, for the first time in 33 years by someone other than my spouse, was nothing short of phenomenal.  I felt a literal sensation flow through me from the top of my head, to the soles of my feet; I didn't know what it was at first.  Please don't laugh . . .  I genuinely didn't recognize it.  On the drive home from work that day it dawned on me; I was sexually aroused.  It had been far too long.  I smiled and thought, 'Oh, now I remember!!"  I felt extraordinarily alive. 

The Other Woman . . . . How Did I Get Here????

There is no person as reviled by a wife like me who's been cheated on, as the 'other woman.'  Me, of all people, should hold near and dear, the lofty aspiration of NEVER becoming that kind of woman.  Yet here I am, one of 'those.'  How does that happen?  Simple really.   I emailed an old school chum, to say 'hello.'  My intentions were, well, they weren't even 'intentions,' I literally just wanted to say "Hi."  During our senior year in high school, Gail and I finally became acquainted, were fast friends, shared study halls and honestly, had a crush on each other.  But that's where it started AND finished.  As was the norm in our rural area in 1974, I was was engaged and planning a wedding that was set to occur right after graduation.  My and Gail's infatuation with each other seemed minor, besides, my life with Jay was going to be perfect. 

I have reviewed the autopsy results of my intentions of October 2007, too many times to count, and concluded maybe, just maybe, need validation of my over-50 self that day.  (as good as an excuse as any)   Ultimately I got so much more than I bargained for.  No one was more shocked than me that a shy woman had the guts to hit the 'SEND' button on that first message then doubly stunned a reply was so swift.

Surely the interaction would be harmless.  Gail had been married decades.  I'd see him and Marnie at school functions, though I don't believe we even acknowledged each other, not even a nod, all those years.  

The 33 years since we'd seen each other in high school soon evaporated, we got caught up with stories of our families, trading tales of trials and tribulations.  Communicating with each other, literally dozens of messages a day, was invigorating.  It was fun and it was innocent.   But not for long.  I blame him for firing the first 'shot.'  He flirted. 

Google Search

Seven years ago I lost my mind and contacted an old school crush.  Blame it on a boring day at work, a google search and a stunning lack of common sense.  What I wouldn't give to go back, erase it from my life history, but I can't.   I did it.  I'm guilty.  I'm a terrible person.  And I pay for my egregious mistake, over and over and over.  

I had no clue why on that day, his name popped in my mind and entered the same in a search box.  If only the phone had rung or a client walked in, life would be so different now.  But, no, scrolling and clicking, I soon found his work photo, professional blurb and there, at the bottom of the paragraph, may as well have been glowing, luring me, whispering, "see me, use me?" his email.  Like a dolt, I sat there, smiled at both as mature reason left my body like a vapor.  Bluntly stated, only fools contact married people of the opposite sex, old friend or not.  If you're ever tempted to do this, wherever you are, get up out of your chair, find the nearest drawer and slam your hand in it . .  there . .  you've 'cut to the chase.'  Just (I'm begging you) DON'T CONTACT THEM!

Ironic such an innocent act like emailing would ultimately birth a seemingly never-ending pain.  May as well call it what it it, PAIN.  Yes, I'm overly-dramatic, you'll learn this.  Though, on the other hand, I tell it like it is.

Seven Octobers ago this introvert mustered up all her courage and emailed a mundane, "Hi, how are you?" to Gail.  A response came quickly and life has never been the same.